A day in the life of Jake...

6:30am
My alarm sounded at 5am this morning. Set a little earlier than usual. More often than not, when my alarm is set at such an absurd hour I am waking up to do last minute cramming before a test. This was the case today. The test covered 13 chapters in Oracle's latest and greatest Oracle Forms book. I had managed to read 10 chapters before I fell asleep. I started to read again at a maddening pace before I had to get ready to leave. I shower, dress, brush my teeth, and gel my hair. I take note that my hair is getting rather long and maybe I should get a haircut tonight. I don't take long with my hair...maybe 3 minutes at most. As long as my hair is somewhat presentable I'm happy. After the gel in my hair sets there's really no going back regardless of whether I think it looks ok or not anyway. My girlfriend once told me I had hair with principles. Once gelled it will not "bend or compromise for anyone". I suppose anyone's hair has principles if they're using DEP gel, level 8 - ultimate hold.

7:30am
As I sit on the curb of the street still reading my textbook, Tom arrives to pick me up in his rather clean black civic. I think to myself, "Tom takes rather good care of his car and is generally a very organized person. Women are generally very organized and clean." Fully aware of my sexist thoughts I mentally spank myself and promise never to think that way again. As I get into the car I notice Tom sporting a new haircut. It looked pretty good and I proceed to mentally spank Tom. We exchange our morning, "wasssssssup" (mental note: it is no longer cool to say that, please erase from vocabulary). What ensues is a 30 minute car ride that has more awkward silences than being stuck in an elevator with my bitter and spiteful ex-girlfriend. Why Tom and I have never "clicked" in terms of conversation I will never figure out. Too often our conversations are stranded in smalltalkville followed by awkward silence where both of us are trying to pretend to listen to the oh-so-entertaining radio disc jockeys. Maybe in some past life I violated our friendship and slept with his sister, or vice versa. Ok...maybe not vice versa. Bad thoughts, bad, bad thoughts.

7:55am
I arrive in class with an hour and a half before test time. The class is as usual fricken freezing. My nipples harden and I try to refrain from touching them (I am kidding). I see Lisane, a french student and Microsoft Access wizard. I promptly say, "Hi, how's the studying going?" She answers back with her usual french accent, "Bleh, I'm a bit concerned but I don't care anymore." I look across and I see Cyrus. He's my arch nemesis. Forty plus year old Iranian man who's very voice, laughter, and presence drives me to the brink of insanity. He is about 5'7", has a very large nose like the proboscis monkey, bad skin, and slouches. I know these facts because I categorize them in my database of nemesissss (shouldn't the plural form of nemesis be nemesi?...I digress) like any smart superhero would do. What is a nemesis? No, not just a bad guy/girl. A nemesis is your own personal bad guy/girl whom you view it as your mission to defeat on a consistent basis. The very nature of the nemesis though gives them power over you and you may often find yourself at a disadvantage. This is the case with Cyrus. I find that his voice and his laughter weakens my spirit and dulls my humanity. I don't say "Hi" to my arch nemesis. We know where we stand. Our story goes back a few months but that is neither here or there (well maybe a little bit "there"). I shall explain another day. All you need know is that each time I see him, I want to hurl my laptop across the room at his nose.

I sit down and continue reading. I am now on chapter 12 and the hour of my impending doom is fast approaching. I have an almost unnerving calm about the test. Like a man who's been sick for a long time and has seen the degeneration of his body but has fully accepted his fate. Wow...that analogy sounded a lot more morbid than I had intended.

8:15am
I have resigned to the fact that I will not finish chapter 13. I log onto MSN and start reading today's sports news on ESPN.COM. This is the site I frequent the most throughout a day. I cannot get enough of sporting news. On any given day I may read possibly a novel's worth of sporting news. Do I retain a lot of what I read and do I have steadfast and brilliant opinions on the state of today's sports world? Not really but it amuses me immensely. I read sports because I am genuinely interested in it and I have a passion for it. I also have a competitive fire that motivates me to try and improve my life, my personality, and my game, whatever that may be. Today's game is to see how long and boring I can make this blog entry. I think I've already succeeded but I press on.

9:30am
Test is about to begin. Good times. Reading the first few questions I soon realize I'm screwed, at least for the theory part of the test. Out of 25 multiple choice questions I confidently answered 10. "Bell curve" passes through my feeble mind but as the Japanese would say "Shoganai" (ah well). I start the practical. It's much easier. I think it might even make up for my lacklustre performance on the previous section.

11:55am
I'm the first to hand in my test. I don't know if that's good or bad but it's done.

12:45pm
Dropped off by my friend Ron back at home. My grandmother asked me to take her grocery shopping. While at the grocery store she starts telling me how fruit and vegetable prices in California are so cheap. Going into each fruit's exact price and the difference in price painstakingly so. She's a cute little lady who likes to ramble a lot. This is possibly where I got my rambling skills from. As we pass the junk food aisle she asks me if I want anything. She goes into a story about how at age 3-4, I would come over to her house in Vietnam and ask her for candy. I think she misses that. I don't ask her for candy anymore. I contemplate possibly buying all the candy and chips in the entire aisle just to make an old lady happy...ok...maybe to make myself happy. "mmmmmmmm...Party Mix!"

2:30pm
After returning home and putting away the groceries I turn on my laptop. I get an email from Miss Tracy Ho about writing a chain story where each person contributes 1 paragraph to the story and sends it to everyone on the list. This turns out to be my afternoon entertainment. The story was about a poor sap named Gary(<--- Go ahead...click it...I know you're dying to) and his adventures with some lard err...large lady. I pity the fool. The story was quite rivoting and at times I couldn't distinguish fact from fiction. What I got from the story was this...the protagonist Gary struggled with his drinking habits as well as the possibility of falling in love with a woman nearly twice his size (I believe there's a reggae song about this story -- "I'm in love with a woman nearly twice my size"). In the end falling in love with this woman drove him even closer to the bottle and he ended up realizing that the bottle and the woman were actually ONE and the SAME. Both were desperate cries for help and temporary fixes to his issues of unrequited love. Ok...maybe I'm making this all up but it does make for a interesting read, no?

5:30pm
Love stories make me sleepy and I was spent. Nap time.

7:15pm
Was rudely woken up by my grandmother cursing about how every time she calls my mom's cell phone she gets some "Canadian" lady speaking in English. She wakes me up to help her re-dial the number just in case she dialed it wrong. I dial away and after many rings I get this "Canadian" lady's voice message, "I am unable to pick up the phone right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and I will get back to you as soon as possible." This lady was MY MOM. I then annoyingly explain to my grandmother that it was her daughter's voice mail. She walks away almost as unamused as I was. I try and get back to sleep. No luck. I then do a bit of surfing online and decided to write in my blog about my interesting day. In retrospect it wasn't so interesting. After this I think I'll attempt to do some homework.

9pm-12:30am
Homework...very mundane.

12:45am
An anticlimactic ending to an anticlimactic day...zzzzzzzzzz.

1:50am
Bahhh...I lied...got caught up in a conversation on msn...still awake ='(

How was everyone's weekend? Attended my first "friend" wedding this past weekend and had a very nice time. The newly weds were Keith and Dominique. They looked amazing together and the night was very entertaining. The atmosphere was totally different from what I had expected. The weddings I've attended in the past with relatives seem much more tamer in retrospect. Maybe it's just my friends. They were all drinking up a storm and toasting the bride/groom/groomsmen/bridesmaids left and right. Before the night was over the best man puked in a large bowl that used for shark fin soup earlier in the night (after he puked on his gf's bridesmaid dress). Thank goodness most of the elders and parents had left before that time. I think my wedding will have to separate the "after party" from the actual reception. The reception itself I think should be classier and be more for the relatives. The after party will be for my friends =D

All in all I had a great time and I hope some of my other friends start planning for weddings soon...hehe...

...
British term of the day...

jake - n. Proud monument erected in the memory of a nice pair of knockers you once saw, or a notable scene from a blue movie.

Sample sentence : Shaky got a Jake when he saw Kimmie after so many months of entertaining Palmela and her five sisters.

You see the severed arm?...this is evidence that you will lose an arm if you put it around my gf...let this be a warning...

Ohhhhh...I'm going to visit my gf August 19th!!...hallelujah =)

look what I found ma!!...Dictionary for the Profane...and here are just some of the goodies I found...

screw v. To have sex piggy style, rotating clockwise due to a corkscrew shaped cock.

walnut manoeuvre n. The mythical method by which good looking nurses are trained to poke your walnut (qv) in order to obtain an instant sperm sample.
...
Someone please tell me...Who has sex "piggy style"???...I don't think pigs even have sex "piggy style"...or else I would have seen this weird mating ritual on the nature channel already!!...but apparently Spooner thinks that their corkscrew tail is proof that they do...if anyone knows of this matter...please inform Spooner and I...

Has anyone ever had the walnut manoeuvre done on them?...it was in the movie "Road Trip" when one of the guys had his prostate gland rubbed...hmm...I hear it's the equivalent of rubbing the female G spot...

New bobblehead doll in stores soon...reserve yours here...

At the request of my "stalker"...here's some masturbation material...a picture of me in a pretty blue and yellow thong...

Here's my impression of a BELEAGUERED MOOSE WITH INDIGESTION...what is he beleagured about?...the state of the world...what gave him indigestion?...that damn coffee he drank!!...incidentally it also gave him diarrhea but you can't see his pants in this picture...

I hate people who answer questions with questions...about the original question...I should return the favour and answer their questions with questions...and further piss them off with new questions before they can ask more questions about my original question! Stop asking me questions!!

It would seem that my loathing (my word for the week) for established congregations of myths and superstitions (ie religion) so much that whenever I want to type out GOD...I manage to type out DOG 3 or more times before I actually get it right...now most people would just merely assume I'm a horrible typer (or an absentminded one)...but I think subconsciously I have refused to acknowledge any remote possibility of an existence of GOD (I was conscious about that one and had to type that one out really slow so I'd get it on the first try)...(if you didn't know...I also have a love for brackets...but I will go into that some other day)...no I'm not going to start a rant about why religion is so bad...cuz honestly I think religion is peachy...just not for me...if you think about it...religion was probably created to keep people in line...to keep society in check...to deter people from involving themselves in anti-social behaviours...but for myself in particular...I think I can live a good and purposeful life without DOG (ok...I did that on purpose)...me believing in some omnipotent being really has no bearing on whether or not I conform to the norms of society...I have built my morals around my own feelings of self-righteousness...

So why would I need religion?...am I concerned about the after-life?...hardly...the same people who preach to me about why GOD (I'm getting better at this) is good...and why GOD is great...are the same people who tell me to "seize the moment"..."live for the day"..."carpe diem"...why should I even concern myself with something that far down the road?...and for all I know doesn't exist...and if it so happens that GOD exists, the after-life exists, and he refuses to let me into heaven...big fricken deal...I've lived a lifetime of standing outside looking in...feeling as though I'm not welcomed anywhere...puh-lease...tell me what am I missing out on...I wouldn't know any better...and until you show me better...I will never have faith in it...like Cuba said..."SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"...

I love the internet...so much to read...so many quirky people...I spend countless hours a day just skimming pages everywhere...and every now and then something interesting comes by...whether that's a personal page or an online article...and like any good book...well...I never finish it on the first attempt...hehe...so I usually end up saving them for a read sometime down the road when I have a little more time on my hands...I wish I had a computer in the bathroom where most of my reading is done...I don't think I'd ever get off the can...I wonder down the road if I will remember all the things I've read and all the people I've read about...or whether these moments in my life are one of my many wasted moments...or ones I might remember when I'm 70 and telling my grandchildren far-fetched stories of my glorific life...my mind is jumping from place to place today...ever have those days?

Update on how I'm feeling...still miserable...still involved in self-loathing...I've found out more things to loathe about...none I wish to talk about right now...maybe tomorrow I'll feel better...maybe not...

I'm having my ultrasound today...and for some reason...having an "ultrasound" doesn't sound very manly...when I tell people I'm having one...I almost expect comments such as "tell me if it's a boy or a girl"...or "I never knew you were pregnant"...or some other witticism along those lines...It makes me wonder how much brainwashing society has done to us...even simple words like these can have have a sexist connotation or two...though I know people are more aware these days of sexism on the conscious level...and I'm sure it is on the decline compared to say the 1960s/1970s when women were primarily homemakers...I think sexism itself is still rampant at the subconscious level...I mean think of the subconscious assumptions you make when you hear people talk about "nurses" or "construction workers" or "ultrasound"...but anyhow...I'm not sure what my main point was to begin with...and I'm not sure if this was what I initially wanted to talk about or just one big digression...but I think it's kinda frightening to see how deep rooted some of society's problems are...

Back to my ultrasound...finally getting my ankle checked out...it's been well over a year since I sprained my ankle initially...and many times since...but I've finally made a commitment to get help (I think I have issues with people helping me...but I'll save that for another time)...and I'm both excited about the possibilities and afraid of the outcome...

I hoping the doctor will give me some instructions on how to get back to 100%...and a reasonable timeline in which I can accomplish this...but I'm also aware that these types of problems can be somewhat complex for a non-specialized doctor to diagnose...and maybe my doctor will play the old "you need rest and rehab" card (to which I might want to play the "do you wanna see how far up your ass my ankle will go?" card)...to me this sounds like the same cure they give to every person who sprains their ankle...and somehow I feel as though my problem is worse than the ordinary ankle injuries...or that my specific case is somehow unique compared to everyone else's...maybe I'm a hypochondriac...maybe I have some sort of need to feel "special"...either way...I don't feel like my ankle is 100%...very far from it...I'd say it's less than 60%...and I'm very pessimistic about the possibilities it will ever be 100% again...

So I've made a list of positive things about having one healthy ankle...it's not as extensive as it could be...but hey...it's 6am and I'm suppose to be working on my assignment...so you'll have to deal with this lacklustre attempt at sharing my not-so-thorough thoughts on this matter (not to mention procrastination)...

1) I could apply for handicap status and park closer than I ever have in my life (though I know I will still manage to spend 30 minutes locating my car when I'm set to leave).
2) Chics sympathize with an injured man...and I don't need that ankle in bed (or do I?...I'll get back to you on this).
3) I will have a legitimate excuse for not being able to swim..."my poor ankle...ohhh the humanity!!...you know I would have out-swam you Garry!!"
4) Can you say "foot massage"??.
5) Maybe Jessica Alba would fall for a cripple like me like she did for that other cripple...
6) It would be sweet if my parents installed an elevator in our house so I could get up and down the stairs..."ding...main floor...ding...2nd floor"...oooooo...so excited!!

Feel free to add to my list...

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

Thanks Liz for that little session of self-affirmation...I feel like Stewart the self-affirmation guy from SNL now...and thanks Kimmie for being the wonderful gf you've always been...you're one of the few bright spots in my so-called existence...

...and thanks Stan and Garry...for putting up with my shit...

Seems like all the attempts I've made at my own personally growth have been all for naught...I'm regressing...each and everyday I find myself reverting to me about 12 years ago...back when I was the geeky kid who never had a friend...all I had was school and sports in my life...I played tennis, volleyball, and everything else 6 days a week just to feel ok about myself...it was the only thing that gave me any confidence...

...and here I am today...I can count my real friends on one hand...I'm still in school and unemployed...and I've got no sports to boost my confidence...my ankle is messed up...I can't do anything...where do I even begin to rebuild my confidence?...last weekend's bbq session was probably the best I've felt in awhile...simply cuz I felt like I was part of something greater than my self...as fromagee as it sounds...playing vball and being part of a team really got my spirits up...I really need to hurry up and heal my ankle...I'm miserable as heck...

So maybe it's just me...I'm just obscene...but it feels so empty being me...(sorry...people have brainwashed me into thinking I'm Eminem...minus the confidence)

I hate being passive aggressive...it's driving me crazy...just when I find a way to release the aggression built up with one problem...another one surfaces...and I'm left feeling completely angry...and completely alone in this world...it's like no one understands me...I can't share anything truthfully with anyone...I'm aware of so many of my problems and the causes of them...and at the same time I'm helpless to do anything about them...and my passive aggressive nature keeps everything away from the people who can help me...every week a new problem arises...and as I begin to slowly correct that problem...I neglect the previous problems that needed work...it's a vicious cycle...and I don't know what to do...right now it's a conscious effort for me to fix these problems...and I'm hoping one day they'll be subconscious...but it's not working right now...I just have too many issues I haven't dealt with my entire life...but here's a layered cake diagram of my problems...the bottom being the foundation and main catalyst of my problems...

LACK OF TRUST IN THE ONES I LOVE
-----------------------
INADEQUACY/INSECURITY
-----------------------
PASSIVE AGGRESSION (UNABLE TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS DIRECTLY)

All the things above passive aggression ignite the fire...my passive aggression is the fuel that keeps the fire going...and I know if I could just stop that...solving my other problems would be so easy...but how do you stop being YOURSELF???...something you've been for the past 26 years...it's such a deep hole I've dug for myself...so deep I feel completely insignificant...I have constant thoughts of non-existence...that this world wouldn't have skipped a beat if I hadn't been born...so where do I begin to regain my self-worth?...when will I finally put out that fire?...why am I so lost?...all questions but no answers...

Goddamn I hate self-loathing...and that's another reason I hate myself...I'm a walking hypocrisy...I hate all these things...and yet I'm everything I hate...

Tonight I almost broke up with my gf cuz I hate myself...and she deserves so much better...I just wish I didn't have to feel this way...

Best laugh of the day...a friend's attempt to make an analogy similar to the cliche "Out of the frying pan, into the fire"...

We call this a BukBuk Analogy...named in honour of our friend BukBuk

"there's no point jumping into a burning house from a sinking sink, right?"

...hahahaha...still laughing...

Was just sitting here and remembered how my friend Lindy didn't know the difference between "invisible" and "invincible"...hahaha...funny flashbacks...gotta love them...

Oh...I'm trying to preserve some endangered words...please help me out and spread the word...here are some examples...

dope - "yo man...that track was dope!!"
fly - "yo man...that track was fly!!"
superfly - "yo man...that track was superfly!!"
tite - "yo man...that track was tite!!"
(for lack of better sentence examples...)

Saturday was one really tiring day...I spent 12 hrs at the beach...9am-9pm...eating, drinking, and playing vball all day...then I went clubbing with the gang from 11pm-4am...then went to Rolsan's to have the usual after-clubbing meal...arriving home at 5:30am and waking up at 8am to go to work the same morning...needless to say I feel like I got ran over by a bus...I muscles are so sore from vball I had to roll out of bed this morning...how did I ever manage to do this when I was in university?...I guess I was younger then and my body wasn't as weary...which has started me thinking on how we as humans take for granted the things we've got...we seem to neglect and take for granted things the most when our lives are good...

...take for example...my ankle...I never realized how mobile I was a few years ago when I was playing beach vball every sunday...this weekend I found out how difficult it was for me to hit and set when I was 3 steps slower than normal...but no worries...one day my ankle will be healed and I will be back to normal...some things we take for granted can't be taken back once they're lost...relationships for example...

A few years ago I was in a 3.5 year relationship...and sometime after the 1st year I started taking her for granted...and I never realized it...I don't think I valued that relationship too much...she was a very nice girl...just wasn't for me...and I lost interest really early...but somehow I conned myself into staying much longer than I had wanted to...but you live and learn right?...that will never happen again...everyone has the right to happiness (do not be owned by your relationship)...

I'm now working on a relationship that's 2+ years old...and my significant other...she's wonderful...beautiful, funny, intelligent, compassionate, caring...and she saves me from the pitfalls I create for myself...she sends me packages with cough drops when I'm sick...she sends me boxers to cover my bum...she's someone I never want to take for granted...

Anyhow...this getting a bit long...and I haven't had the inclination to ramble extensively lately (often ending my rambles with "blah, blah, blah" or "yada, yada, yada" ala Seinfeld)...so I'll wrap this up...

I think the more you take life for granted...the more life reminds you by taking those things away...learn to cherish what you've got...

Oh god I hate scroll bars...why do people have to use so many iframes on their webpages??...curse you scroll bars!!...scroll bars will be the death of me I tell you...

In related news...dj seto has started his promotional webpage --> likwidgruv ...click on it and download some free music before he starts charging an arm and a leg for them (that means for most of you...you'll only be able to get 2 mixes!!!!)...get'em while they're hot people...the next best thing since sliced bread (hey Garr...you should name your next mix "sliced bread")...

Having a BBQ at the beach tomorrow with good friends...life is good...what can I say...

Killbear was a blast as usual...latest Killbear moments below...

1) Stan leaning on Bri's car and staring into the woods for 2 hrs without moving a single muscle...
2) Akiko starting a fire with her own "unconventional" methods...
3) Losing Mark and Elaine in the woods and sending out 4 search parties to find them...
4) The Traveler's mental breakdown...
5) Stan being carried to the rocks along the beach...Tina being carried back...
6) Fatty breaking Nori's chair...

Anyone game for a late August trip? =P